If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.